The old adage, “speech is silver, silence is golden” suggests that silence is what we should aspire to. Yet silence – the censoring or withholding of thought, insight, and self – is what divides us. If we want to stay connected and honor the dignity of every human being, we need to unlearn silence.

It was a dreary overcast morning. Traffic was worse than it should have been. The gas meter on my car running perilously close to empty. When I finally stepped into the conference room, I saw that my colleagues seemed just as frazzled as I was. “Rough morning, right?” I said with a smile. Their shoulders visibly relaxed, and we all exhaled together.

Putting on a smile and pretending that everything is okay when it’s not takes energy. Silencing the reality of what we carry, serves no one. As much as I thought I was the only one feeling the weight of the world, my colleagues’ body language showed me that they felt it too: the weariness, the onslaught of news cycles, the seeming sense of powerlessness.

Acknowledging the weight that was in the room allowed us remain connected. Instead of pretending, we were real. Instead of avoiding the elephants in the room, we named them. Instead of carrying weight, we could collaborate.

Social isolation (limited or absent connection with others) is comparable to smoking and obesity in terms of shortening one’s life span.[1] But knowing others and being known by others provides a buffer against that isolation. We cannot know one another if we remain silent around each other. We cannot be known by others if it feels like we have to silence ourselves. The circle remains unbroken if we choose intimacy over isolation, voice over silence.

How can we make that choice when the world seems to want our silence?

1. Remember that you have a choice. Many of us learned to stay silent. After all, children were to be seen and not heard and silence was golden. The trap we fall into is that we move through this world on auto-pilot, forgetting we could choose a different way. When someone asks us how we’re doing, we don’t have to say we’re okay if we’re not.
2. Choose what you want to share. Voice and silence are not binary. You choose what you might want to share with whom, at what time. Social media does not require a real-time play-by-play of our lives. You don’t need to share everything with everyone.
3. Embrace your uniqueness. Silence isn’t only about the words we say or don’t say. Silence is also hiding the parts of ourselves that others deem unacceptable or undesirable. Yet those very parts often make us, well, us. You can be a decent imitation of someone else, or an amazing version of yourself.

Choosing voice over silence is an act of care. For ourselves. For one another. For the communities we are building together. Wellness grows when we connect, and connection often happens in the quiet, everyday moments we’re quick to overlook. 

This week, notice one moment where you might normally stay silent: when a colleague asks you how you’re doing, when a neighbor walks by, or when there’s tension in the room. Decide how you want to show up: whether you want to answer candidly, whether you make eye contact and greet them, whether you name what others may feel but no one is saying. Invite others to do the same.

When we allow ourselves to be real—and allow others to be real with us—we cultivate communities that heal, sustain, and remind us that none of us has to carry the weight alone.

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[1] Julianne Holt-Lunstad et al., “Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta- Analytic Review,” Perspectives on Psychological Science 10, no. 2 (March 2015): 227– 37, https:// doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352