When you’ve been underestimated enough times—or ideas overlooked (until someone else repeats them), or maybe you’re constantly the only one at the table, cynicism can start to feel like self-protection. Some may even say it feels as if you’re suiting up in armor as you prepare to start the workday.

Surely, I cannot be the only one. I know that feeling all too well. In fact, cynicism tells you: “Do not expect too much. Avoid getting invested. Protect yourself.”

However, over time, I realized my cynicism not only shielded me—it shrank me as well. In fact, it hindered me from building trust, making unexpected connections, and from seeing possibilities where my mind only envisioned barriers.

During a moment of deep introspection, I made the decision to experiment with a new approach. No, not blind optimism or what I call, toxic positivity. But curiosity—a way to stay open, even in spaces that were not always open to me.

Why Cynicism Feels Safe

If you know, you know—cynicism tends to be earned. For some it’s a survival tool in corporate spaces where bias is real and representation is hard to come by.

Early in my career, sitting in a leadership meeting, I remember hearing a proposal that I knew was misguided and would have a negative impact on the employees of color. My first instinct? I mentally checked out. This team hardly listened to me anyway and I’d seen how these conversations usually went when one of us would speak up. No change. No accountability.

That’s the comfort of cynicism; you assume the worst and well—you’re rarely disappointed. The cost however is steep. When you assume nothing can change, you stop looking for ways to change it. Frankly, by doing so, you then become part of the problem.

When you assume nothing can change, you stop looking for ways to change it.

Curiosity as a Disruptor

Curiosity doesn’t ignore inequities, it investigates them.

When I think back to that meeting years later, I consider what I could’ve done instead. Instead of shutting down what if I genuinely asked, “What factors were most important in making that decision?” Not to agree, but to understand. What if it encouraged this leader to reveal their priorities, constraints, and reasoning that I may not be aware of.

Would asking this have magically fixed the problem? In this specific scenario, unlikely. But it could’ve given me insight into who had influence, what data they relied on, and where the real levers for change were. Information that could’ve been helpful to build a strong case for change.

You see, curiosity keeps the door open. Cynicism closes it.

Asserting the Power of “What If?”

One of the most important tools curiosity gifts us with is the question, “What if…?” A colleague once pushed back on a diversity and inclusion initiative I was leading. They were adamant instead of bolstering inclusion we were somehow showing favoritism, which simply was untrue. The old version of me would’ve thought, “here we go again”. Cynicism would’ve ultimately written them off, giving little to no attention.

Instead, I asked, “What specific concerns do you have?” and “How can we measure success in a way that addresses your concerns and advances inclusion?” A simple reframe. Suddenly, we we’re having a much different conversation. A more fruitful one. Where it wasn’t me against them, but more so “how do we collectively build something that works?”

It’s important to note, sometimes curiosity doesn’t necessarily change the person. But it can change the dynamic. In corporate America, that sort of shift can mean everything.

Protecting Your Energy

I’d be remised if I didn’t share this. Curiosity isn’t about being endlessly patient or letting harmful behavior slide. It is about choosing when and where to engage. It’s about shifting the dynamic of the conversation and getting to the why.

If a comment feels disrespectful or the moment isn’t safe, remember you do not owe anyone your emotional labor. Because sometimes curiosity means saying, “that’s a bigger conversation, and I’m not in a place to discuss it right now”. Maintaining personal boundaries with yourself and others makes curiosity sustainable.

Choosing curiosity over cynicism is not easy. But curiosity keeps us from shrinking ourselves. It also keeps us informed, connected, and ready to seize the opportunities cynicism would’ve had us miss.

So, the next time cynicism knocks, I invite you to answer with a question instead. You might be surprised by what doors open.