By definition: “Conciliation is the act of bringing opposing sides together to resolve a dispute, often with the help of a neutral third party.

Reconciliation, on the other hand, is the act of restoring a previously broken relationship or restoring things to a peaceful state after a period of conflict.

This involves a process where parties work together, often with the assistance of a conciliator, to find a mutually acceptable resolution to their differences.

Conciliation is frequently used in legal contexts, workplace disputes, and international relations to address disagreements and achieve peace.

Reconciliation is a broader concept that goes beyond resolving a specific dispute. It involves a deeper restoration of relationships and a willingness to forgive and move forward after a period of conflict. Reconciliation can be used in various contexts, including interpersonal relationships, political disputes, and societal issues.

In essence, Conciliation is about finding a way to resolve a specific dispute, while Reconciliation is about rebuilding a broken relationship or restoring a state of peace.” 

“I take you (name of spouse to be), to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, forsaking all others, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

Most of us are familiar with these traditional marriage vows. We celebrate the exchange of these words and the subsequent commitment of a lifelong love. The excitement of the approaching big day, the choosing of the wedding gown by the bride, the purchasing of the ring by the would-be groom. The announcements are sent, and a venue selected. Groomsmen and bridesmaids are recruited. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are held, all in preparation for the big day.

The couple looks lovingly into each other’s eyes as they exchange vows to love, honor, and cherish, counting on a love that will never end, making a commitment before God and man that end with the words, “till DEATH do us part.”      

This followed by a celebratory dinner and dance, and tossing of a bouquet and garter belt to see who might be next in line. Then comes the honeymoon. As the couple begins their life together, they are swept away with thoughts of, “Can life get any better than this?”

But it’s just a matter of time before the reality of day-to-day life and the testing of those vows come into play.    

Did you really mean forsaking ALL others? Did you really mean for richer AND POORER? Did you really mean for better AND for WORSE? Did you really mean in SICKNESS and in health? Did you really mean until DEATH?    

According to U.S. statistics from a 2024 report, the divorce rate lies somewhere between 40% and 50%. 40 to 50% of those taking these vows call it a wrap within the first 8 years. According to Psychology Today. When it comes to reconciliation, only about 6% remarry their original spouse, which doesn’t say much for reconciliation. Instead, it seems that high hopes are more often dashed against a stone of irreconcilable differences.   

The question is, where are we as a nation? What is the nature of our current relationship? Is there any hope for reconciliation, or have we given up? Are we dealing with broken Constitutional vows and irreconcilable differences, or is there hope for a better tomorrow? Will we remain in a toxic and abusive environment, or is there a chance for changed hearts and repentance, inclusive of reparations?      

Repentance holds little value without reparations. Breaches have to be repaired. Losses have to be recovered and restored. If the offender fails to truly repent and repair, there is little chance for healing and recovery. As the saying goes, “talk is cheap.”

America once had a unity beyond skin color and found intersectionality with common status and relatable struggles. But we cannot ignore the pivotal historical landmark of Bacon’s Rebellion, which set a minority of wealthy white male landowners against the impoverished masses.

Once a color split was introduced, the abuse began and only grew worse. There were no flowers and jewelry, with so much as vain apologies and promises to do better. Instead, the abuse became worse, and subsequent laws were put into place to legalize the behavior and protect the offenders.

Can such a relationship recover and experience reconciliation when every step forward seems to lead to two steps backwards?

As long as there is no balance of power and wealth, we will continue to remain in an unhealthy dynamic with only the illusion of true progress.

In the global marketplace, we may appear to be in a healthy relationship, holding hands and smiling, while behind closed doors, the beatings continue to worsen and the split grows deeper.

Just when we thought we might be moving closer to the path of reconciliation and conversations about reparations, we elected an abusive and deeply troubled husband who seems to take pleasure in the abuse. Like a woman who consistently goes from one bad relationship to another, we seem to find ourselves stuck in a cycle of collective bad decisions.

We’ve moved from genocide of America’s Native inhabitants, to enslavement, to Black Codes and the prison industrial system, to Jim Crow segregation and lynchings, to Concentration Camps for Japanese citizens, to police brutality and the school-to-prison pipeline, to electing politicians who continue to institute legislation which continues to make protecting the wealth and power of wealthy white male landowners. It’s an abusive situation.      

In order to move its nation forward from a history of Apartheid, South Africa held a Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which began on December 16, 1995. In similar fashion, Rwanda established a National Unity and Reconciliation Commission in 1999, following the genocide of 1994, where approximately one million Tutsis were brutally slain over the course of 100 days.

In both cases, the objective was peace and unity in a broken nation. In both cases, confession and forgiveness, and restorative justice were on the table.  In both cases, it was shown to the world that the most broken relationships can indeed be restored and the pieces put back together, but both parties must be willing to do so “till death do us part.”

As Rev. Dr. MLK, Jr. is quoted as saying, “We must learn to live together as brothers, or we will die together as fools.”