I have a large family, and we are close. I am fortunate to have shared a close bond with my nieces and nephews. I have one niece, who I shall name Breann, who is the family favorite. Breann is smart, beautiful, and kind. Growing up, Breann was an A student, which made her parents very proud.

Breann has a very fair complexion, and if you did not know her, you would assume that she was of mixed heritage, but she was not. Breann attended a mixed-race high school. Breann was aware that she was more popular with her white classmates than her black classmates because of her skin complexion, her speech, and her mannerisms. Breann was a young girl, but old enough to know who she was in this world and where she fit in society.

Breann begged her parents to put her in a predominately white Catholic School, where she felt more comfortable and at ease with her classmates. Her parents gave in to her request and put her in a Catholic school where she was one of three African American students in her class. Breann asked her mother to substitute her regular lens glasses for contact lenses. Breann ordered a pair of blue contact lenses to cover her beautiful brown eyes.

Several family members, including myself, questioned my brother and sister-in-law about the change in schools and, particularly, the blue contact lenses. Her parents said that she was an “A” student, and they wanted to make her happy. The family also noticed that Breann became more uncomfortable being around her family and black people.

Breann graduated from high school and went to college, where she assimilated into a small, private, predominantly white college. Breann rarely visited home or spent time with her family or relatives. We felt hurt by Breann’s apparent snub to our family. The senior members of the family assume that Breann was “racially passing.”

Racial passing is a situation in which other people believe a person who belongs to a particular group to be a member of a different group. Some of the reasons that people practice racial passing are deeply personal and usually done out of economic and social necessity. No matter what the reason might be, many of our family members felt hurt and abandoned by Breann’s actions. As Breann’s auntie, I felt very hurt.

The senior members of our family, as well as many older black and brown Americans, know that assimilation is only a mirage. The definition of the word implies that the concept of assimilation is all in your mind. But isn’t that true regarding the definition of “racism?” Racism is defined as a “concept or belief that race is a fundamental determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial difference produces an inherent superiority of a particular race.”

Racism is a behavior or attitude that reflects or fosters this belief. Assimilation is a mere mirage. I believe that people who believe in the concept of assimilation, feel a warm and protected fence around themselves. It is that fence that will keep them safe from the division and alienation of racism.

I wanted a deeper understanding of why black or brown people would desire to “pass” for another race. I came across a 2021 Netflix movie called “Passing” and this movie gave me an understanding of how race and identity intersect. Passing is about two mixed-race childhood friends who, by chance meet years later in a hotel dining room.

One of the characters, Irene, is married to a black doctor (Brian) and has two children. Irene learned that her childhood friend, Clare, married a white man (John) and had one child. Irene and Clare rekindle their friendship. Irene is acutely aware that Clare is “passing” for a white woman and that Clare’s husband John does not detect the duplicity.

As the friendship develops, Irene senses a healthy dose of skepticism about Clare’s intentions. The movie ends tragically when Clare’s husband John, discovers that Clare is a woman of color. John storms into a party that Clare, Irene, and Brian attend to confront Clare about her deception. When Clare becomes aware of his presence, she positions herself near the sixth-floor balcony window next to her friend Irene. It is unsure whether Clare jumps from the window or Irene pushes her from the window to save her from the hand of her angry husband.

It was a cautionary tale of deception, jealousy, and manipulation. The movie seemed to echo that America is no melting pot and there is no colorblindness. We all see color. Seeing a person’s skin color is a habit ingrained in us all. Maybe we all should learn to love, and respect our complexion differences.