PAST: As the holidays draw near, I reflect upon the memories of growing up as the youngest of four siblings in our family. I recall the – now ancient times – of our household income being so thin [see “Side Bar” below] that, as children, we awaited the Postal Service’s delivery of the Sears Roebuck & Company catalogue so we could dream. Ah, the holiday edition was jam-packed with tantalizing pictures – yes, this would be “old school” (or Flintstone’s) marketing materials that existed way before online shopping/marketing was even a thought or a thing, much less Amazon front-door delivery often on the same day as ordered! The Sears Roebuck & Company catalogue was filled with pictures and descriptions of toys, and also of other everyday necessary life items, like home improvement gadgets, yard and garden equipment, tools, tee shirts and other unmentionables!
[Side Note: Our household income was thin because, during this time, our Dad was confined to a military hospital that was a solid two-hour drive one-way from our home in suburban Atlanta. He was hospitalized – at his own insistence for having served his country – for a disease that aged him beyond his mid-forty-something years, turning him into a white-haired, physically crippled old man well before other service members his age. That disease was pernicious anemia! This indiscriminate disease crept up on Dad right after he completed his active duty in the U.S. Army where his main source of daily sustenance were K-rations because of his remote combat location. Anyone with a military background will recall that k-rations were small, not-so-wonderful sealed packages of non-perishable food (sort of) that could be eaten “on the go” as soldiers were in the battlefield or combat zones fighting for and maintaining America’s freedoms.]
As my siblings and I anxiously waited for delivery of the Sears Roebuck & Company catalogue, watching earnestly from the front window of our house for the mailman to deliver it, so we could run a race to the mailbox and retrieve the voluminous pages of things we would, respectively, “wish for” to be under our holiday tree. I say “respectively” because this tradition went in order of seniority. Meaning, the eldest went first – my oldest sister, followed by my brother and then the other sister two years older than me. As the youngest of the four, I went last. The “rub” of this tradition was that the pecking order never changed from one year to the next, meaning there was never an opportunity for me to go first, or second or third. I always – forever and always – just by virtue of being born last – went last[1]! The other “rub” (really these were made-up game rules that turned into rubs – LOL) was that once one of my older siblings had called “dibs” on something in the catalogue as “theirs”, that item became off limits for anyone else to call “dibs” on to be theirs. This rub, obviously instantiated a mentality of scarcity, when the catalogue was full of an abundance of different items from which everyone could choose. I mean, how many Hot Wheels sets or Barbie dolls does one kid need (rhetorical question)?
By the time the catalogue was passed to me, about the only items left that had not been called “dibs” on by my older siblings were mostly items like the lawn mowers and the men’s underwear, neither of which I would actually need during my youth and none of which I wanted as a kid with toy-filled dreams!
PRESENT: Now that our parents have passed on, these weird fond memories are today’s fodder for great laughter as my siblings and I enjoy our long-distance holiday interactions. There are ‘bragging rights’ for my older siblings and well-deserved ‘badges of endurance’ for me! Truly, my wish this holiday season for every family is that they grow and mature to find fondness in the momentary angst of long-ago-made memories of (distant and temporary) sibling rivalry and allow those memories to make you smile in remembrance now!
I re-defined my prior relationship with the Sears Roebuck & Company catalogue. That naming nomenclature now eloquently describes the reversal of a 50-year law and women’s right to choose (the “Roe-buck” [defines the reversal of Roe v Wade]) & Company (is defined by/from “present-day highest court of the Land” [and Company]).
I hypothesize that the catalogue of trials set for the upcoming years before the highest court of the Land will be eye-opening, perhaps shocking and possibly even disappointing. Together, we will endure!
FUTURE: This is actually the “meat” of my article, because it hinges so completely to the past. Our collective past; the past in which we were able to make a selection of our respective (individual) beliefs.
I’ve never been one to proselytize others[2] – as all religions are man-made. The only distinctions about people mentioned Biblically are that of them being either Jew or Gentile[3]. Beyond that fairly minor distinction (in the bigger scheme of life), we are all part of the same race- the Human Race! For the record, God created 12 tribes…and God LOVES all of His creations (equally), even and especially the imperfect creations (the sinners, which is all of humanity)!
From an ancestral discovery through a sibling’s recent DNA test, my siblings and I learned that somewhere in our family’s lineage is a small percentage of DNA evidence of Jewish ancestry; which, by extrapolation, means that also somewhere in our family’s lineage is a larger percentage of DNA evidence pointing towards dominant Gentile ancestry. If the test is to be believed, my siblings and I are both Jewish and Gentile.
[Side note: In that our/my Dad was full-blooded Greek (if you’ve ever watched any of the “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” movies, our family glommed onto Mr. Portokolos’s wedding-toast expression: “we’re all fruit!”) If you’ve seen these movies, you will understand the context around the statement. This is a declaratory statement our family laughs about frequently, especially when we contrast our family members, structure and dynamics to the extended families (members, structure and dynamics) of our colleagues, friends, acquaintances and neighbors. LOL]
Our/my Dad was also an active Deacon in a Southern Baptist church (fyi: I’m “in Recovery” every day. LOL). As such, from a young age, I was encouraged (“challenged” might be a better word) to regularly read the Bible and to pattern my life around stories told through Bible scriptures – being instructed that the Bible’s Word is comparable to an overarching “instruction book” for a full and rewarding life.
Without any condemnation or judgment of others about their overarching life “approach”, the Bible, along with lived experiences, provided a great framework for me to develop a strong moral compass – a compass that has steered me along a good pathway, not necessarily an “easy” pathway, as is likely a similarity shared by many who are reading this article – whether or not they are Bible-readers!
As I’ve gotten more mature, I tend to ruminate[4] on ideas, philosophies, doctrines, life and any other subjects that might occupy my awareness/consciousness. So, after the recent election, I began to ruminate about Jesus’ second greatest command: [that we] love thy neighbor as thyself[5]. This was so important to Jesus that it is mentioned not once, not twice, not three times, but in eight different Bible passages! This command is the premise, upon which the Golden Rule was founded, to: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In today’s hectic and sometimes crazy world, this isn’t always an easy or intuitive task to make happen, wouldn’t you agree?!
Yet, this one decree (love thy neighbor as thyself) is such a monumentally enormous command that Jesus actually role-modeled and acted it out [loud] for us during his own time on earth as a man, a carpenter, a teacher, a preacher, a shepherd, a healer, and as a sin sacrifice!
The enormity of this task wasn’t put upon us lightly! Jesus knew from his own lived experiences how hard this would be for us to attain. Loving thy neighbor – even and ESPECIALLY when they are unlovable (in our eyes or opinion) – is, by far, the most difficult task any of us can aspire to achieve during our lifetime. Why? Because it requires that we forgive others (that’s the gift) for their transgressions that are offensive to us in some type of way. That offensive behavior will be different for each individual reading this article.
For some, that offensive behavior may be getting cut-off in traffic by an aggressive driver (give thanks you lived through that aggression to take another breath and forgive them for being rude or in a hurry); or someone flippantly says unkind words to you but doesn’t even know who you are (give thanks that you weren’t born to live up to someone else’s expectations of who you should be); the offense may be a disagreement with your child’s teacher for not envisioning the same life potential of your child’s abilities that you have for your child (give thanks your child has someone in their school life who sees their potential even if that potential is different from the potential you see in your child. Teaching today is often a thankless job, riddled with unique threats of aggression teachers were not trained to navigate [like active shooters], and remember, this is the same person who may well shield your child from something as unpredictable as a peer student aggressor. Give thanks for him/her in your child’s life)!
Or, the offending action might be of an unhoused person standing on a street corner, panhandling for money to buy a meal or to rent a motel room to get out of the weather (there is a huge social media debate about giving money to unhoused persons because of the belief they will use money for drugs. I will share that having personally worked inside a homeless shelter for nearly three years, I saw up-close the “way” others ‘look at you’ with unspoken disdain). So, if you’ve got a roof over your head, be grateful, because the American Dream of home-ownership has become unobtainable for too many hard-working citizens. Also, try to consider your life if you were unhoused, because I learned that even well-compensated professionals can be one unexpected medical condition, one failed relationship, or one pay-check away from occupying our community’s streets…and try not to judge them, because you haven’t walked in their shoes! Show some compassion to them in a way that works for you. If it’s buying them a meal and handing it to them so you know your money wasn’t used for drugs, do that. If it’s renting a motel room for them, if you are financially able, so they can get out of the weather and get cleaned-up, do that! Show compassion and empathy, because we meet the same people going up our corporate or life ladder that we meet coming down.
And still others will be offended by the new leadership in our country come New Year. We will all need to lean-in and support one another – perhaps heavily – to get through the leadership challenges ahead! Be there. Be present for those who need you, regardless of “why” they need you. Be there, in that moment!
Life is a series of peaks and valleys – rather like a merry-go-round; sometimes you’re at the top and sometimes you are in the rut. Be kind to everyone, even if they have behaved towards you like they don’t deserve your kindness. Forgive them (in your heart). If you are able, help anyone who asks you for help. Because one day, possibly soon, it could be you asking and you would certainly want your request for help to be answered and acted upon, wouldn’t you?
The point is, we are living in strange times and our future is uncertain (to us). We are going to witness some bizarre “things” over the next few years; some bizarre “things” have already begun to take place, giving us a small glimpse of what’s to come. Remember, the Omnipotent God of all creation has everything under control and knows the future (of our future) ‑ give thanks for that! If you are not a believer of something greater than yourself, now might be an excellent time to explore what else is out there that can fill your heart with forgiveness (of others’ shortcomings, as well as with self-forgiveness) and provide you with hope, happiness, unconditional love, forgiveness and a future!
In contrast to the abounding joy most of us experience during the holidays, please be reminded that for many individuals the holidays are a time when they may feel their life is just too daunting to endure, so please check-in with those you know who are struggling emotionally. We each need to be accountable to and for one another – that IS the calling (to be our neighbor’s “keeper” [that’s how we love them as we love ourselves]) – and this IS the Dream I hold in my heart for the Three-Fifths community – and beyond – this Holiday season: DO “love thy neighbor as thyself”!
If you are someone who struggles emotionally during the holiday season, please know that we’re here for you! So please reach out, or call: 988, the national crisis/suicide hotline. Ask for help, if you need it ‑ and know that asking for help is not weakness ‑ asking for help is an outward expression of inner-strength! Believe that when one door closes, another – better door ‑ opens. Believe that someone in this world loves you more than you will ever know – because they do! Believe that if you take that leap of faith, the net will appear in time to catch you! Believe!
From my heart, hearth and home, I wish you and everyone you hold dear a blissful and Happy Holiday season and an abundantly prosperous New Year! Always, in #melaninsolidarity.
©2024 Tracy Alexis PhD, reprinted with express permission.
- Because of the “scarcity” mindset these “dibs” created in my psyche at an early age, I struggled to learn that our world is full of abundance. Abundance is not reserved for only the wealthy, as they do not desire the things that we desire; someone else’s “having” does not come at the cost of us “not having”. The world holds enough for all of us! ↩︎
- Although, I have shared the Good News with others who may not have heard it during their lifetime. ↩︎
- Most non-Jews are considered to be Christian; Christians are considered to be Gentiles ↩︎
- Think deeply about something. ↩︎
- Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31, 12:33; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14; James 2:8. Galatians 5:14 states that the entire law [of Jesus’s command] is fulfilled in this single decree – “to love thy neighbor”! ↩︎
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