Let’s not react to situations with fear and confusion.  Peace is ours to embrace.

“NIKE!!!” He yelled to get my attention.

“Ni – KEY!!!” He yelled again, and this time he was even louder. 

It was more pronounced and firmer. My attention had been broken just long enough for my eyes to turn toward his voice and see his face.

My coach locked eyes with me. He lifted his pointer and middle finger and directed them toward me as if pointing at my eyes, and then swiftly moved them back at his own eyes.

“Focus! ‘Nike Focus!” He declared.

With what felt like 1000 lbs. of adrenaline on my chest; and anger, fatigue and pain all running through my entire body, brain, hands and feet, I knew what he was asking me to do. In that moment, and I do mean that moment, I had to decide in a split second.  Do I respond the way I want to, or do I do what’s best for me and my team. I was struggling internally. My ankle and hip were in excruciating pain from hitting the floor.  The opponent had just undercut me as I was in midair going up for a lay-up after I had stolen the ball. Now you must understand, in the world of basketball this is called a cheap shot and should call for an ejection of that player.  I hit the floor hard, almost knocking the wind out of me. I jumped up immediately ready to fight.  I was standing toe-toe with her and ready to swing when I heard my name being called. I was fully in fight mode; my stress hormones had been released and my body was feeling supercharged ready to stay and fight. With several pulsating rapid heartbeats and short breaths that matched the rhythm of my pounding heart, I assessed the situation. I can swing and get ejected, and possibly lose the game or I could fight her after the game and focus on winning. At 15 years old these were the only choices I could formulate; these were the only options I felt that I had at that time. I chose the latter.  I backed up and walked toward my coach, with anger in my eyes and tightly closed fist.  The whistle blew.  They called a foul.  Only a foul! Are you serious, they were allowing her to remain in the game. My coach leaned over and said, “Are you good?” He was talking about my ankle and hip. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” I responded.  I knew the temporary pain I was feeling could be resolved by ice, tape and rest that night.  Again, he said, “Are You Good?”, I didn’t respond so quickly this time. He then challenged me. 

“Stay focused on the game and your team, that’s all that matters.”  I did just that.  I redirected my emotions toward winning the game and encouraging my teammates. We won the game and I completely forgot about fighting the opponent; not because she was no longer there, not because I was no longer in pain, rather because I had accepted the challenge to refocus myself on what really mattered to me to begin with.  I was now focused on fighting for the game and not to get back at the opponent who had tried to hurt me.

Many times, in life we find ourselves face to face with a storm and we react in fear, defense, frustration, or simply out of our pain.  When we react this way, we are in less control and tend to hurt ourselves and others.  We also are blinded to any spaces or opportunities to obtain or experience peace.  Life can cause us to get stuck in a survivor cycle of fight, flight, freeze. This is exhausting and unhealthy. With so much being thrown at us right now, how can we avoid hitting the panic button? How can one avoid fighting when under attack? How can one not only find peace but even recognize it is possible to obtain it during chaos or violent times such as these. 

When we think about defining peace, we tend to state it as the absence of fight or conflict.  However, life has taught me to redefine my understanding of peace. Peace is not exclusive or in isolation of fighting, war or conflict, rather peace can be amplified even more during these times.  It is during these times that peace that comes from within is essential.  

As my family and yours move closer to Thanksgiving dinner, family gatherings, Christmas, and the winter cold weather, the more discussions we have around potential challenges. Maybe like ours, your conversations have also continued to amplify the Israel-Hamas War, economic struggles, flu season, and more. People are feeling feelings of dreadfulness, anger, and anxiety. However, I am suddenly feeling an overwhelming weight upon my chest, and I want to shout and whisper simultaneously, “DON’T HIT THE PANIC BUTTON.” I can feel your anxiety, frustration, and anger beginning to surface.  Ironically this is supposed to be the season of Peace on Earth! We must not give in to fear and lean toward peace. Take a deep breath; we are okay!

This is not the time to shut down. This is not the time to quit, nor is it the time to bury yourself in the mythical Bermuda Triangle of what we often characterize as “the everyday Grind.” Which could also be characterized as fight and flight syndrome; however, what I believe it really represents is just another way to avoid fully embracing our inner emotions and struggles. 

The pressures that come with this season combined with our current global climate, can be daunting.  As a safeguard, we often look to events to lift us up, however, these events alone can’t bring us everything we are looking for.  There are days when we have anticipated joy, hope, happiness, and yet at the same time, we have feelings of fear, dread, anger, anxiety, and grief. There is nothing wrong with us, having all of these different feelings is what makes us human; two paradoxical truths and emotions can occur within you at the same time. Trust me when I say, you are not pathological, nor are you losing it. On the contrary, you are normal.

Anyone can find peace and not hit the panic button when things are going well, when your family is not cutting up, when all the bills are paid, when your co-workers are great and your health is robust; it’s easy to stand tall and prevail.  However, it is a little more complicated to do when it feels as if all hell is breaking loose, and when you look towards your tomorrow it is full of anxiety and fear as well; that’s when we need help and another level of resistance and strength to reside within us.  The reality is, PEACE is a state of mind. Although you cannot change everything that is happening around you, you can change how you respond to it.  We cannot settle for a life of reactivity, panic, and anxiety. We are greater than that.  When we focus ourselves, as individuals, and as a people, the things that we are capable of are mind blowing; the pathway to true peace begins a mind-shift. We must shift our focus from the issue in front of us to the purpose within us. 

The storm exists but how we respond is more important than the storm itself.  If there is to be peace in our lives, we have to know how to access it internally and externally. I was in the heat of the battle, standing toe to toe with my adversary.  This was not a peaceful moment.  Yet, peace must and will surpass the circumstances of our lives.

So my gift to you this season is 5 steps to help you not hit the panic button and maintain your PEACE. (1)Know who you are and whose you are. (2) Let go of damage (3) Change your team (4) Watch your intake (5) Work your purpose on purpose.

(1) Know who you are and whose you are. 

Obstacles and challenges will always be a part of life. There is nothing that we can do to change that fact.  We can however change how we perceive them or how much attention we choose to give to it.  Holidays, wars, conflict, fear, needs not met, chaos, and even terrifying sounds and cold of winter can cause memory loss.  When we give to much focus on these things, we are at risk of forgetting who we are.

You are strong enough. You are smart enough.  You’re built for this.  You are talented and gifted. You have survived too much in your life already to waste energy on trying to prove something to people who in the large scheme of things don’t really matter.  Stop giving pieces of your mind to folks that don’t care anyway. Get comfortable being perfectly imperfect, which is what makes you so amazing to begin with. 

When your identity is not in question, you tend to move with confidence.  Your mind is clear of confusion and thoughts of inadequacy or second guessing of yourself. You walk with direction. You talk with boldness and wisdom.  You respond instead of reacting.  You stop apologizing for your healthy behaviors and actions to make others feel comfortable.  You live comfortably in your own skin.

In my basketball game, I needed to remember that I was a hooper and was built for this.  I had trained for this.  I also knew we were all in the same game looking to do the same thing which was to perform at our best and getting fouled was a part of the game. 

When your identity is not in question, you move with confidence.  Your mind is clear of confusion and thoughts of inadequacy or second guessing of yourself. You walk with direction. You talk with boldness and wisdom.  You respond instead of reacting.  You stop apologizing for your healthy behaviors and actions to make others feel comfortable.  You live comfortably in your own skin.

Lastly, belonging is important.  I know who I am and whose I am.  I am a child of God, first and foremost.  Because of this kingdom belonging, I find my peace in knowing that my Father in heaven is taking care of me during the good days and the bad days. I find peace in knowing I belong to God and He is omniscient. I also find belonging in other areas of my life in which I have learned are not limited by blood or geography.  I belong in my family, I belong in my community, and I belong to a greater purpose that I get to connect with continuously throughout my life and travel.

(2) Let go of damaged goods

When we go through tough times and we refuse to panic and react in confusion and fear, it is also a great time to take inventory.  Storms have a way of revealing areas of our lives where we need to simply let go and change our focus. In my game, I had wounds and was in pain from being pushed to the floor. This is important because, too often we don’t acknowledge people’s pain and expect them to ignore it or act as if it is not happening. The lack of acknowledgment and dismissiveness is not just stupid but disrespectful, gaslighting and even more traumatizing. So, my coach acknowledged my pain but refocused my energy.  This allowed me to turn my pain into purpose, hence tapping into peace. 

Many times our focus is on the damaged goods in our lives. In times of fear and chaos, redirect your focus.  My coach had to help me.  He called out my name loudly and clearly to help me refocus my attention and get out of fight mode into thinking mode. Listen, it’s time for us to let go of damaged goods.  We can do this by forgiving and letting go of grudges and the pain of past trauma that has us developmentally and emotionally stunted in our growth and ability to deal with our present situations, conditions and relationships in healthy ways in order to live in peace both internally and externally.

Letting go means focusing on what matters rather than the seducing drama and chaos.  If you focus on the problem too long, you then begin to make that problem a sacred cow or holy grail that cannot be touched, solved or removed.  You become stuck in the past and your future is held hostage to a simple wrong focus. In this season, take your eyes off the problem long enough to remember who you are, what’s most important, and that life has options.  Peace in this very moment is attainable for you from within.

(3) Change your team.

The worst thing to experience is while you are in the heat of the battle, in the toughest of the windstorm, in the fight of your life and to turn around and find those around you; (a) are not there for you, (b) Just as much or more panicked and fearful, (c) are sitting afar off blaming you or worse laughing at your seemingly defeat.

Listen, too many times we are surrounded by folks who are stuck in their unhealthy ways and in times of struggle always hit the panic button. They immediately go into fight, flight, freeze, and tend to self-medicate and then justify their unhealthy behaviors and actions regardless of who they hurt during the process including themselves.

During this season, it’s time to clean your roster. Make sure you are surrounded by folks who believe in you, cheer you on, happy for you when you win, and pick you up when you fall.  Also, you always need that one ride or die that will jump into the storm with you and want you both to succeed!

(4) Watch your intake 

The storm reveals what lies beneath. Pay attention. How you view yourself and your life will come to surface when you face tough times.  Your values and morals will be heightened and challenged.  Your belief system will be shaken.  There are pros and cons to this.  It is an opportunity for you to grow but be careful to not compromise your value to fit in or make someone else more comfortable by losing who you are. Don’t panic; stay focused and breathe.  Every challenge to your belief is not a personal invite for you to have to fight.  Sometimes it’s nothing more than an opportunity for you to step back and remember that the whole team is depending on you to hold it together because this is simply a battle, and we are trying to win the war. You can find peace in your purpose.

Be mindful of what you take in physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, spiritually, and visually.  During chaos, negativity and fear love to communicate loudly so be vigilant about what you listen to or expose yourself to. What we take into our bodies impacts our ability to function at our optimal level. Even down to what we eat or drink.  This is a time to remove all waste; it’s toxic, so don’t consume it.

(5) Work your purpose on purpose.

Once you live long enough, you will notice that chaos, storms, disappointment, grief, depression, loss, poverty, and death will unfortunately always be around.  However, so is peace, joy, love, unity and strength.  The panic button always gives us the illusion that it is the easy way out.  We think it allows us to escape, vent, and express our anger but, we have no control of ourselves nor the harm we do to ourselves and others by just reacting and not looking for resolve rather control and power out of fear. Storms and the winters in our lives want us to put to bed our dreams and purpose in life.  Our dreams and purpose in life is the very doorway to continual peace.  We find peace in knowing that we are fulfilling the purpose that we have here on this earth. To be purpose-driven is to give reason and definition to our very existence which gives hope the steering wheel of our life and peace sits in the backseat with us keeping us in a state of resolve.

So regardless of the storms, wars, divisions, noises, and cold of winter, we are determined to know who we are, let go, focus on the great, change our team, and move forward with peace in our hearts and minds.

We can boldly declare that we have peace like a river.  “I got peace like a river,” was a song sung by black slaves in bondage as they hoped for their freedom. Remember, peace is when you can be in the storm and experience rest. The lyrics are a metaphor for the peace, love, and hope that one can feel on the inside regardless of the chaotic storms and war in the world. The river consistently finds a way to go around or over obstacles in its path. It relentlessly keeps flowing. To have peace like a river, we must see the obstacles in life as opportunities, the tests as paths to our testimonies, and all out attacks as arenas for our purpose in life to take center stage. We declare that we will live in peace, meaning living our lives with purpose on purpose making a difference and not simply a mess.