In our divided world where everyone seems to be self-protecting, drawing up sides, canceling out their dissent, and boosting egos or right-ness, creating sincere, safe spaces for hard conversations is a missing practice in our communities. These kinds of conversations, grounded in truth, healing, and empathy can be transformative. They can help us move forward toward the shalom we long for, building bridges and repairing our broken world. 

This level of repair work has no safe or easy roads. However, we can work to become a safe people and create safe spaces for learning. I have not always been that person or created that space. I am always working and growing in this area and have found the work of author, researcher, and professor Brene Brown¹ incredibly insightful from learning how to be a brave leader to creating productive spaces and building empathy.

In her book Dare to Lead, Brown speaks of the bravery needed for hard conversations. “A brave leader is not someone who is armed with all the answers…who can facilitate a flawless discussion on hard topics. A brave leader is someone who says I see you. I hear you. I don’t have to have all the answers, but I am going to keep listening and asking questions.”

In the work of peacemaking and in those bridge building spaces, we need to both understand and help others realize that the way humans perceive things is “soldered to who we are.” It’s essential to honor others’ “perspectives as truth even when they’re different from ours.” Without the honoring of truth, there is no hope of repair. 

No one has the same experiences. We come from different experiences and perspectives. Holding an open posture to other people and their emotions is essential for shared restoration. We need to work to create a culture of empathy in relationships whether individual or corporate. Empathy is being able to connect to the emotions of someone else’s experience. Being able to connect with someone else’s emotions, regardless of shared experiences, is a restorative way forward.

Humble, vulnerable people create safe places for listening and learning. They share from their perspectives and experiences and allow others’ points of view to shape their own. This posture of genuinely listening and asking questions – not simply waiting to speak or argue – is what Brown affirms: “choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance.” 

In our polarizing culture, we are literally watching people hate each other and justify it. These aggressive, mob-like behaviors don’t build anything except bigger walls of division and that is not the work of Christians who are encouraged to, “strive for full restoration…be of one mind, live in peace…”

In our relationships, if we have to be better than, right, or the “knowers” in our relationships, Brown goes on to share, “…we cannot be empathetic. And, to be clear (and kind), if we need to be knowers empathy isn’t the only loss. Because curiosity is the key.”

1. https://brenebrown.com/
2.  Brene Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts (New York: Random House 2018), 195.
3.  Brown, Dare to Lead, 143.
4. Brown, Dare to Lead, 271.B 

5. In our polarizing culture, we are literally watching people hate each other and justify it. These aggressive, mob-like behaviors don’t build anything except bigger walls of division and that is not the work of Christians who are encouraged to, “strive for full restoration…be of one mind, live in peace…” 
6. In our relationships, if we have to be better than, right or the “knowers” in our relationships, Brown goes on to share, “…we cannot be empathetic. And, to be clear (and kind), if we need to be knowers empathy isn’t the only loss. Because curiosity is the key.”

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1.  II Corinthians 13:11 NIV
2.  Brown, Dare to Lead, 145.