The dictionary defines Emotional Intelligence as the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. As human resources professionals, we have been trained to express high emotional intelligence. EI (as they call it) should be in the DNA of anyone who practices human resources. Lucky for me, EI is a learned skill that takes practice and it helps to always consider yourself a student of the subject.

Studies have shown that people who possess high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions as well as the emotions of other people quite well. The term first appeared in 1964 but became popular in 1995 with a best-selling book by Daniel Goleman called “Emotional Intelligence”. Daniel Goleman defined EI as the array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance. When I read Goleman’s book, I instantly recognized the superpower of empathy.

Emotional Intelligence is typically associated with empathy because it involves a person connecting their experience with those of others. Of course, people have been critical of labeling EI as an “intelligence” but research has proven differently. IQ is not the only measure of intelligence. Definitions of empathy encompass a range of social, cognitive, and emotional processes and all the definitions primarily focus on the desire to understand others.

I often find myself explaining the difference between empathy, compassion, and sympathy in my work environment. Many people seem to get the terms confused and some like to use the words interchangeably to suit their cause or issue. As a human resources leader and a person of color, I must use my level of influence in the corporate environment very carefully. I feel the need to temper any sympathies towards a particular work group and always practice empathy with every situation.

Most of my work colleagues know that I am a Christian and as a believer, I am held to a different standard. Most people believe that Christians are compassionate and sympathetic people but I am the type of Christian who clearly lives in the “empathy” lane. I think that my upbringing has a lot to do with my choice of empathy over compassion or sympathy.

I have always believed that empathy is in the DNA of most people of color. We have had to endure so much pain and trauma, that the only way that we could survive in a hostile environment was to be empathetic to the plights of others. This is why the nonviolent social movement led by civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, was so widely accepted by people of color.

The question that I ask myself most often is “How can we (as people of color), give empathy but hardly ever get any empathy in return?” I believe somewhere in the minds of some white Americans, there is a very low threshold for displaying empathy toward people of color. I believe that racism is so deeply rooted in America that we have not created an environment for empathy to grow and it is easier to hate what you do not know rather than be empathetic towards the plight of another person.

In HR, I sit across a table with two people who are experiencing disagreements almost every day. My mind sometimes wonders if these two opposing forces would ever come to a peaceful solution. Most times, the two opposing forces do not come to a peaceful agreement, but simply “agree to disagree.” I believe that our country focuses on two groups of people sitting across the table yelling at each other but no one is listening. We cannot afford a stalemate in America. Our lives and the lives of our children (and children’s children) depend on it.

That is why building mental and emotional empathy is imperative for achieving a nonviolent social movement. America needs to admit the sins of its past in an open and transparent manner. As a nation, we need to work on solutions that will help bring peace and unity among all people. Our society is disintegrating before our eyes, but we are too preoccupied with winning our argument, to notice that we are losing the war.

Just as the seasons change and the warmth of the summer sun turns into the cool, crisp air of the falling leaves, we need to practice the power of listening to and gaining an understanding of each other. This calls for a break from political party lines, and He/She/They pronouns. As people living on this planet that we call Earth, a seismic shift needs to occur in our thinking. As poetically written in Luke 6:31: “Think the best of others because this is what you expect them to think about you.”